Three Conspirators

Where there’s a picnic, there are ants and flies. While the idea of the “wedding crasher” is well-known by now due to the Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson movie, there’s also a breed of “crasher” that is more discreet. They seem to get on selected retail lists of preferred customers. I half-suspect there’s an underground group that ekes out these receptions for the freebies alone. These conspirators are most conspicuous at the smaller boutique store receptions.

Where there’s a function with wine and food, they somehow know to show up. They give themselves away by their lurking nature. They dont’ take notice of the surroundings, the merchandise which is supposed to be the objects of affection. Instead, they cluster in groups, in selected corners where they station themselves, looking for waiters with passing trays, their prey.

They give themselves away by their desperation. When intially offered hors d’oeuvres, they’ll grab a handful. If you don’t offer them every time you see them, they’ll resort to heckling, grabbing your arm, maneuvering their numbers to encircle you, cut you off.

Yes, it can get nasty.

While drinking heavily is their mode, it can also be their downfall. Recently, a lady passed out in the store and had to be carried away. At another reception soon afterwards, she was back at her game.

This cat and mouse charade, attempting to avoid these characters, becomes a major undertaking. Since they are technically on the list, notifying security is futile, unless something outlandish occurs. Or one of them should happen to pass out. One can only wish.